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October 5, 2005

The Telepathic Tabernacle - Week Six


The Telepathic Tabernacle was one half of college football from the famed back-to-back skunk. But the Cougars were evidently one Jason Hill injury away from having an offensively impotent team and that cost the TeleTab in both the Straight Up and ATS Divisions. It almost made the TeleTab use an electric iron on the box score - just to see if it was possible to extend that Cougar first half a little longer. USC, as they did the week before against Oregon, took a nap in the first half against Arizona State, then woke up in the second half, yawned, and proceeded to dump 35 points on the Sun Satans' heads. The only problem was that, unlike Oregon, they actually allowed ASU to score a touchdown. So maybe getting torched 35-7 instead of 35-0 by USC in one half at home makes ASU a better team than Oregon by a touchdown, but it did nothing for clearing the point spread - and did even less for our Gem of the Week - which took it in the shorts from the Trojans' narcoleptic first half tendencies. Either California looked sluggish or Arizona looked awful on offense - the Tab couldn't decide which - but the result was a 28-0 steamroll of the Wildcats. Oregon similarly flattened Stanford and UCLA proved they were not good enough to overlook anybody yet - not even the lowly, easily-overlookable Hussies. The Bruins played the entire first half of their game against Washington like they prepared by taking ceramics classes on the beach. But Washington being Washington, it was only a matter of time before they did something to screw up the game and lose.

This week is light - only four games - and the last time that happened, the Tab scored a double skunk. USC can probably fall asleep for three quarters and still beat Arizona with one healthy defensive back tied behind their backs, but we're not eating 36 points with the kind of first half indifference they have been showing lately. The other three remaining games all have elements of unpredictability to them and that is a bad word in the Tab, so we won't use it. Instead, we will use the words Gem of the Week to describe the Cal-UCLA game. We are taking the Bears because we were not impressed with UCLA's performance against Washington and more importantly, because Cal is a 8-2-1 as an away underdog [which begs the question - what kind of bribes were taken in Vegas to instill UCLA as the favorite in this game?] since Jeff Tedford has been the head coach. That's good enough for us! This week's tiny atoms of anachronism….



STRAIGHT UP


USC over Arizona

WSU over Stanford

California over UCLA

Arizona State over Oregon



Last Week: 4-1

Overall: 31-5



AGAINST THE SPREAD


USC [-36] over Arizona

WSU [-12.5] over Stanford

Cal [+2] over UCLA

ASU [-8.5] over Oregoon



Last Week: 2-3

Overall: 25-10-1



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