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September 29, 2006
Butch v. Tommy - Week Five
Butch has spent better weeks in the gutter than last week picking Pac-10 games. Tommy did okay though and officially made up ground by picking Washington and Oregon State and the only thing that kept him from a Week Four skunk were his very own boys of Troy who were one missed extra point away from a push on the spread [note to self - refrain from saying "push" and "spread" in the same sentence in the future]. This week's tongue-tied and brainless bargain bin selections
Tommy: Well, Tommy made up some ground against the mighty Butch last weekend, but this is not time to boast, brag, or be a jerk about it. We'll leave that to Butch when he's ahead. No, you won't see any pictures of irons, comparisons to the Wizard of Oz, talk of Tommy talking to himself, or use of big words like circumlocution. (What does that mean anyway?) Tommy's going to take it one week at a time.
Butch: Hmmm looks like Tommy got into some bad sour cream and is experiencing severe hallucinations. Here's another big word, Tommy - spurious. It means not genuine. Because back in 1937 - or whenever it was the last time Tommy picked the Pac-10 well and was ahead of Butch - Butch got to hear approximately three metric tons of braggadocio, the word "spanked" about 97 times every two weeks and not-so-veiled questions of his Butchhood. But that's different because Tommy was ahead then, right? Please excuse Butch if [cough, cough] he passes the salt shaker, the one with the extra large grains.
USC (-17) at WSU
Tommy: Ah, yes, the mighty Cougs look for revenge after three straight beatdowns of epic proportions. I can see how wins against Idaho, Baylor, and Stanford (a combined 0-10 against 1A competition) would inspire the faithful to think they have a shot, especially after the Trojan offense limped against Nebraska and Arizona. But come on, the Cougs are good for two or three turnovers a game, and the best offense that they've faced is #47 Auburn, who shredded them. Good luck, Butch. Offense Shows Up This Week-34, Butch Gets Neutered-13.
Butch: There's a party in Butch's mind every week - which explains the inconsistent Pac-10 picking this year - but he has found a stray bottle of tequila and temporary clarity on these two facts - Cougar coach Bill Doba has never covered the spread against Pete Carroll and the last three Wazzu wins over USC have all come early in the season. So Butch likes the middle ground here - and takes WSU to cover.
California (-9) at Oregon State
Tommy: Tommy is very suspicious of Cal. They claim to be for real after their slaughter of ASU, but Tommy sees a team that was blasted on the ground by the Devils and won in a rout because Rudy Carpenter turned the ball over five times. Hey, Matt Moore could do the same thing, but the Beavs have owned Tedford (1-3) and are tough at home. The Skirted One tentatively picks the Beavs in an upset, and says that they definitely cover. This Should Inspire Some False Hopes-24, Eight And Four Again?-21.
Butch: The temptation here is to go with OSU [gee, Butch notices the new age non-jerk Tommy isn't calling them by his other nickname for them any longer ] to beat Cal - same as it ever was. But look where Butch's hand was - on the keyboard picking the Bears to win and cover - because they are sick of being on the Beavers' Island of Chump.
Oregon (-1.5) at Arizona State
Tommy: This is right around the time that the Sun Devils go into a nose dive of a spiral that they don't come out of for a month, right? Not so fast. The Ducks have not been so good against the run without Haloti Ngata, and have mustered only a mediocre pass rush. Carpenter bounces back this week, and the Trojans leave the week as the only undefeated team in conference play...and we're not even out of September. Wow, We Can Actually Run The Ball-35, Two And Three Against Koetter-32.
Butch: In the Pac-10, Pete Carroll is 9-2 after a bye week. Mike Bellotti is 9-3. Butch selects Oregon to win and cover while the Sun Devils begin the laborious process of eating their young.
Washington at Arizona (-4)
Tommy: Like I said last week, the Huskies are BACK! They're BAD! They're ready to take on ALL COMERS! So why are they underdogs against a 2-2 team that they killed last year? Probably because they are going to lose. It's hangover time! Over .500 In October?-17, Pass The Chaser-10.
Butch: Butch has dubbed this the Battle For The Rumpus Room - the one right above Stanford's brand new basement flat. Ninth place never looked so good to the winner of this game - which Butch says should be Arizona to cover.
Stanford at UCLA (-23)
Tommy: The Trees have been cut down and used for firewood four times so far this season. The Bruins are still licking their wounds from their unexpected (unless you're Tommy) loss to the great Washington Huskies. Tommy looks for the Westwood Weirdos to bounce back against the hapless Red People. The Bruin collapse will start a week or two after this game. Staving Off The Inevitable-36, Bad Team, Man, Bad Team-7.
Butch: What's more embarrassing than a loss to UW? Why, a loss to Stanford, of course. If that happens to the Bruins this week, then they will be an official challenger for the Rumpus Room title against Arizona next week. Butch takes UCLA to win and cover.
Tommy's Non-Conference Noogies
Texas Tech at Texas A&M (-1.5)
Tommy: No doubt about it, these guys don't like each other. The winner of this game will battle for the right to come in third in the Big 12 South. So as you can see, this one is big. Tommy goes with Aggies. Hold The Rope Unless You Get A Golden Parachute-31, No Senior QB This Year-28.
Butch: Tommy - are you insane!?!? Taking the Aggies over the Techsters!?!? That's just nuts!!! Butch thinks the Earth just got knocked off its axis and is spinning sideways after that startling pick!!! Yawn. Pass the guacamole, will ya? Butch thinks one Texas team looks like another and this is the Whiny Weenie Conference we're talking about here - the Big 12, right? Butch gets the dartboard out and takes, ah, what the hell, the Red Raiders to cover.
Virginia Tech (-9.5) at Georgia Tech
Tommy: The Hokies have pummelled the Jackets twice in the last two seasons, but not this time. Gailey has been a road warrior in the last two years, and nine and a half is a lot of points. VT wins, but as Corso would say, closer than the experts think. Yes, Our Mascot Is A Turkey-16, Yes, We Have A Senior QB And Yet Have No Offense-9.
Butch: Now this one's hard because they're both Techs - eliminating Butch's secret weapon selection methodology of always taking Techs over anybody else. Now Butch has to resort to Plan B From Outer Space - trying to remember from junior high school what the states are famous for. Lessee Georgia - onions and peaches and Virginia .uh, hmm um not covering the spread against Georgia Tech! Butch takes the Rambling Wreck to cover.
Ohio State (-6) at Iowa
Tommy: The Hawkeyes haven't lost by more than six since 2000, when they were 3-9. They won't be 3-9 this year, and OSU didn't exactly look great against the Nits. I'm rooting against the Bucks because I hate 'em, but they'll win. Tommy takes Iowa in the ol' spread bet though. A State Full Of Idiots-24, Iowa-18.
Butch: The last time Butch made fun of THE Ohio State, THE Buckeyeballs took it out on Texas [which wasn't such a bad thing, in retrospect]. But that was against a Big 12 team. Iowa's got a lot of corn, Ohio doesn't have quite as much, therefore, Butch agrees with Tommy about Ohio [except for that one guy they have in the state who is not an idiot] and takes Iowa to cover.
Last Week: 2-3
Noogies Overall: 4-7-1
Last Week: 2-3
Noogies Overall: 3-7.5-1*
* Butch picked Notre Dame and Michigan to lose to each other in Week Four - so the professor says he gets half credit.
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