Staff predictions: Michigan vs. Western Michigan

Strange times these are when it comes to college football in the state of Michigan. U-M is coming off a 3-9 season, Michigan State might be closer to average than below average (which apparently makes one a Big Ten power now), Western Michigan heads to Ann Arbor with a legitimate shot to win ...

And TheWolverine.com is hiring heavy hitters (next in our sights: George Stephanopolous. We'd have targeted James Carville had he not bumped us from his radio show yesterday).

All eyes are on Michigan and freshman starter Tate Forcier … so what will it take for this season to be deemed a success? Here are a few things:

Seven wins plus a bowl game victory That means WMU, EMU, Delaware State, Indiana and Purdue are must wins - and then capture two of the remaining seven, including at least one over a rival.

No cheering in the press box Getting credentialed is easy these days … plenty of seats, not many news organizations left to fill them. So start a blog - you, too, can be a reporter (but please, no running down the aisles and high-fiving everyone on press row).

There is, however, no rule against booing that we know of.

New pregame music from the band Varsity and Temptation might be Michigan traditions, but let's mix it up a little, guys. Some obscure Celtic music for John Borton, perhaps … maybe some 80s hard rock, jukebox music for Josh ("I'm 28-0 in bar fights") Helmholdt?

Finally, real intent to injure when the Michigan cheerleaders ram the opposing mascot into the base of the goalpost This has been a cute tradition, but the time for niceties has passed. Time to regain the swagger - busting Brutus the Buckeye nut seems so appropriate here.

Our winner this week receives a Detroit Lions, back-to-back preseason champions t-shirt and a bottle of What Odor? (as seen on TV. Eliminates the stench of skunk, garbage can odors … even 3-9 seasons!).

The picks:

Chris Balas: It's clear Rich Rodriguez has lost this team (unless, of course, you've actually been on campus to cover this team. Then … not so much). In fact, the wagons have been circled and morale is high, as it had better be … it's tough to remember an opener as crucial.

The offense gets it going after a sluggish start while the defense is good enough.

Michigan 31, Western Michigan 20

John Borton: I remain on my own time here, voluntarily serving the greater good of TheWolverine.com. Balas wanted to make the long, excruciating moments we spend on doing staff picks mandatory, but the staff members each grabbed an iron and asked him if he wanted a free press, so he backed down.

As for the game, there's a different type of heat on, and a burning desire among coaches, players, and more than a few passionate Michigan fans to close ranks and get it done. It might not always look pretty, but they'll get some details ironed out -- and survive.

Michigan 27, Western Michigan 20

Michael Spath: ESPN "analyst" Andre Ware picked Western Michigan over Michigan as his upset special of the week, but he's obviously not the only member of the media piling on the Wolverines this week. None of that matters if the fans treat head coach Rich Rodriguez and his team with the support they deserve, issuing both a standing ovation as they are announced and raucous applause during the game. Trust me, the Maize and Blue will earn it.

Michigan 38, Western Michigan 21

Josh Helmholdt: Here it is… After this weekend, Michigan fans will finally have the ability to point to something tangible to back up their 8 and 9-win predictions for this Michigan team, and can keep calling me an idiot for predicting 5-7. That is, unless….

Western Michigan 31, Michigan 26

Matt Pargoff: You don't really need to read my staff pick. It's not that entertaining. Instead, focus in on Josh, who will probably have an explanation of why Michigan will lose to the Broncos. That's funnier than anything I could possibly come up with.

Michigan 31, Western Michigan 10

Jonathan Chait: Michigan rolls up more than 300 yards on the ground. The defense pressures Hiller, but gives up numerous big plays as the linebackers struggle in pass coverage. Tate Forcier looks very solid, and Kelvin Grady emerges as his go-to receiver.

Carlos Brown runs for two touchdowns, one a 77-yarder in which he bowls over a diving Detroit Free Press columnist who has jumped onto the field. Tomorrow's headline: "MICHIGAN FOOTBALL PLAYER BRUTALIZES JOURNALIST; RECIPROCITY SEEN AS MOTIVE; Columnist Could Have Made Tackle If Brown Hadn't Beefed Up From Illegal Weightlifting"

I'm new here -- if every single thing I say comes true, what do I win?

Michigan 41, Western Michigan 24

Ace "The Intern" Anbender: In a stunning turn of events, Michigan forfeits their opening game in a desperate effort to finish the week with less than 20 hours of work. The Detroit Free Press reports that Rich Rodriguez is a "sissy" and calls for his resignation. In a totally unrelated note, Justin Boren is hired to be the Freep sports editor.

The Wolverines will be a motivated bunch on Saturday, and I don't think Western Michigan (and their four returning defensive starters) have the ability to stop the Rich Rod Redemption Tour. Tim Hiller will test the young U-M secondary, but Tate Forcier and Co. will prove too much for the guys from K-Zoo.

Michigan 37, Western Michigan 20

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